Love and sacrifice

~I hear your voice~

Love is hard to define. There are so many different times we use the word “love.” It describes the passionate young love that inspired Taylor Swift’s “Love Story.” The sturdy love of a married old couple on their 50 year anniversary. Mamma bear love. Brotherly love. Love of things. Love of the game.

The ancient Greeks defined love in 3 different ways — eros, philia, and agape. Eros is a romantic desire, sexual in nature. Philia refers to the brotherhood and loyalty between friends. Agape is unconditional selfless love, and could apply to one’s spouse, one’s community, or humanity as a whole.

Something about Agape resonates with me. I keep seeing instagram reels that joke about the “masculine urge to take a heroic last stand that turns the tide in a final battle” playing the choir version of “Like a Prayer.” Stories of heroic self-sacrifice like Mufasa in Lion King or Dobby in Harry Potter will make me tear up. Heros don’t only exist in fantasy. At age five, my Dad was carrying me on his shoulders and pretending to be an elephant, when he accidentally dropped me. Without hesitating, he threw himself underneath me and I miraculously landed on his soft belly before bouncing to the floor. My dad lay on the ground, unmoving. His head had hit the stairs that I would have smashed into. Putting himself between me and the danger with no regard for his own safety, no hesitation, just instinct and agape (don’t worry he was fine in the end).

Agape moments inspire me. They make me wonder, am I capable of that type of love?

Dating someone, I often wonder, how much would I sacrifice for them? I have heard people describe marriage as a neverending series of compromises. Small sacrifices for each other for the sake of a peaceful union. Things like walking slower on a hike than I would like so Melody can enjoy the scenery. Spending a night out with her friends instead of my own. Or patiently waiting an extra hour every morning for her to finish sleeping. If I feel unwilling to make these small sacrifices, can I make the ultimate one?

At the moment, I think the answer is no. We were at Outside Lands in Golden Gate Park together, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a massive green blob hurtling towards us in the wind. I saw its trajectory toward her and imagined myself jumping in front of her to block it. But instead I froze. The blob bounced off her and then continued on its path. It was just a large balloon so she is fine, but it did tell me that I don’t feel that instinctual agape in my relationship yet. Our trip together in Brazil has taught me that we have Eros and Philia in spades. But I can’t let go of my life just yet. Maybe years of further commitment will change this. Or kids.

So much of the Agape I see in media is the older generation sacrificing itself so that the next one can make their mark. Obi-Wan making way for Luke. Mufasa’s death giving Simba the space to become a strong king. I still feel like I am that up-and-coming next generation, with tons of life energy to give to the world. My last stand will have to wait.